Post by Shatter Machine on Jan 15, 2016 8:57:31 GMT -5
Wrestle Mania 2
Some genius had the brilliant idea to hold this in three different locations. This necessitated some odd commentary teams, and some really not great matches in positions of prominence.
From Uniondale, Long Island, New York:
Ray Charles sings “America the Beautiful” with some pretty spectacular feedback on his mic.
Gene Okerlund is in Chicago. Roddy Piper cuts a hilarious and insanely racist promo on Mr. T.
Vince McMahon and Susan Saint James are the commentators for the New York portion of our show. (Susan was on “Kate & Allie” in the 80’s. I’ve literally not seen her in anything in the last thirty years.
Paul Orndorff
Vs
Don Muraco (with Mr Fuji)
Poor Orndorff. He went from the main event to jerking the curtain. He was a pretty over babyface, and Muraco was happily into his fat and lazy period. He and Fuji seem to have been having fun at least. Orndorff was at few months away from one of the hottest programs in wrestling history. They trade slams, and Orndorff mocks Mr Fuji’s Asian heritage. Muraco buries a knee in the corner, but Orndorff reverses a whip and takes him down into an armbar. Orndorff holds on to the armbar as Muraco tries to armdrag out of it. He works the arm a bit. These two were just going through the motions. This is not the hot opener you want for the biggest show of the year. Susan Saint James is AWFUL on commentary. Muraco gets a Samoan drop, then he runs Orndorff to the buckle. They tumble to the floor and both get counted out at 4:10. Big fat DUD.
Mr. T is in the locker room, and his promo is just as funny as Piper’s, but for different reasons.
Intercontinental Championship:
Randy Savage (Champion, with Elizabeth)
Vs
George “The Animal” Steele
Savage had been IC champion for about a month or so at this point. Savage is firmly entrenched as a horrible dick of a heel, and is just a maniac. Got to love what he brought to the table. Susan Saint James sums up the issue between Savage and Steele in that Savage treats Liz like shit and she should leave, but she won’t. Savage gets on his bicycle and there’s almost no contact for the first two or three minutes. Steele bites Savage on the leg, but gets caught in the choke lift on the inside. Savage bumps like nuts for Steele, who gets distracted by Liz and gets caught up in the ropes. Savage hits a cross body for 2, but tumbles to the floor. Steele brings him in, then dumps him to the floor. Steele gets distracted again, so Savage jumps him. Steele bites his arm again, and Savage grabs a bouquet of flowers and mauls Savage with it. Steele tears apart a turnbuckle pad. He shoves it into Savage’s face, and Macho Man sells that like an exploder suplex. That’s dedication to your craft. Steel gets distracted by Liz again, and Savage comes off the top. Slam, Savage drops the elbow, but it only gets 2. Savage scoops Steele in the corner and gets the pin using the ropes at 5:10. DUD.
Gene Okerlund talks to John Studd and Bill Fralic.
Jake Roberts
Vs
George Wells
Roberts is a freshly debuted heel. Wells attacks right away, controlling with a backdrop and forearms. He dumps Wells to the floor, who nails him. Shoulderblock, and Jake is down. Headbutt, then a whip to the corner and a headscissors. Jake wants time, but Wells stays on him. Slam, then a shot to the throat. Kneelift, and Jake sells it like he’s dead. Powerslam by Wells for 2. Jake gets a thumb to the eye, then he bails out. Wells follows him out then back in, and Jake gets a kneelift and the DDT for the pin at 3:10. ¼ * Wells gets the snake treatment after the match.
We see a history package of Roddy Piper Vs Mr. T. Vince throws to LA and Jesse Ventura interviews Hulk Hogan.
Howard Finkel introduces guest ring announcer Joan Rivers, who in turn introduces the judges for the next match: Daryl Dawkins (NBA), Cab Calloway, and former Nixon White House Guy, G. Gordon Liddy. Herb from Burger King is the guest time keeper. This is really like the graveyard of bad 80's pop culture. This all sets up 10 rounds of boxing:
Roddy Piper (with Lou Duva and Bob Orton)
Vs
Mr. T (with Joe Frazier)
There's actual instructions from the ref, and Piper talks shit the entire time.
First Round: They feel each other out, and Piper gets into him and they break on the ropes. Piper, of course, hits on the break. Mr. T backs him into the corner, and they go back to the middle. If this was real boxing, they'd be out of gas already. They keep going to the corner and the ref keeps breaking them up, and they ignore him and go right back at it. The bell rings, and they stay at it. I'd say Piper won the round, so I go 10-9.
Between rounds, Piper comes over to talk more shit.
Second Round: There's too much salve on Piper, and the ref wipes it off. Mr T controls, but Piper takes over and whales on him against the ropes. They just start throwing haymakers, and Piper just taunts him. Piper traps him in the corner and just swings wildly at him, just winding up. T goes down, and the crowd cheers Piper. T is up at 8, and he's okay to continue. T goes for the clinch, but Piper drops him after the bell. Piper won that round easily, 10-9, making it 20-18. I
Piper comes over and throws water at T.
Third Round: Mr. T just lays in the worst worked body shots, then pummels him in the corner. T nails him with a left, and Piper is down. Piper gets up at 8, and T comes right back in. T drops him with a left, and Piper is down, and out of the ring. He's back in, and the ref lets it continue. They clinch in the corner, and Piper fires back. Both guys are arm-weary, and the bell rings for the end of the round. T wins the round handily, 10-8, making it 28-28.
T comes over to Piper's corner to run HIS mouth now, so Piper throws his stool at T
Fourth Round: They just stand in the middle of the ring and tee off on each other. T starts landing haymakers, then Piper with his, knocking T's mouthpiece out. Then T knocks Piper's out. The ref gets pushed down by Piper, and then he slams Mr. T for the DQ at 1:14 of the round and 16:14 total. What an absolute clusterfuck. Piper was, at least, entertaining. * ¼
Now to the Rosemont Horizon in Chicago, IL.Our hosts there are Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund. Cathy Lee Crosby is our celebrity in the booth. Chet Koppick is the ring announcer.
WWF Women's Title
The Fabulous Moolah (Champion)
Vs
Velvet McIntyre
Moolah jumps her at the bell, does three or four hair whips, then a punch to the throat. Velvet hits a couple of kicks, then a slam. She misses a splash (and her boobs almost come out, so she fixes that on the fly), and Moolah gets a bodyride for the pin at 1:25. That was a total waste of time. DUD.
Flag Match:
Nikolai Volkoff (with Fred Blassie)
Vs
Cpl Kirchner
Nikolai wants to sing the Soviet National Anthem. This was such a heat magnet for Volkoff and whomever he was aligned with. Kirchner was an attempt to build a new Sgt Slaughter, but he didn't have 1/8 the charisma of the real sarge. He'd be gone not long after this at any rate. They brawl to the floor, and Volkoff blades him right on camera under the pretense of biting him. He sends Kirchner to the post. The ref gets bumped, and Blassie fires his cane in towards Volkoff, and Kirchner intercepts it and clobbers Volkoff with it for the pin at 2:05. That was mercifully short. ¼ *
20-Man battle Royal:
The time keeper is the “Where's the Beef?” Lady; the special referees are Dick Butkus and Ed “Too Tall” Jones. The participants: Jimbo Covert (Chicago Bears), Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin (Former Dallas Cowboy), Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga (aka Haku), The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes (Former Pittsburgh Steeler), Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic (Atlanta Falcons), Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, Russ Francis (San Francisco 49ers), Bruno Sammartino, Refrigerator Perry, and Andre the Giant. This is literally the fastest battle royal ever, and Ernie Ladd joins the broadcast team. King Tonga and Jimbo Covert are the first to go, and Russ Francis goes right after Andre. Holmes is elminiated. Andre just beats the shit out of Studd in the corner. Brunzell is gone, then Perry dumps Atlas. Studd unloads on Perry, as Pedro and Martin tumble out. Arcidi tries to dump Blair, but he sneaks back in under the bottom rope. Arcidi goes, then the Shiek dumps Spivey. Blair and Hillbilly eliminate each other. Studd and the Sheik dump Fralic. Studd dumps Sheik, then Francis hits Andre with shoulderblocks. Studd dumps Bruno. Studd goes after Andre, and Fridge almost eliminates the Harts. He charges Studd in the corner, but Studd hiptosses him over the top. Fridge offers a handshake and pulls Studd out. It's down to Andre, Russ Francis, Bret Hart, and Jim Neidhart. Andre gets tied in the ropes, and the Harts work Francis over. Andre frees himself as the Harts eliminate Francis. The Harts control Andre breifly, but Anvil whips Bret right into an Andre boot. Andre runs their heads together, then kicks Anvil out. Bret climbs up, but Andre grabs him and throws him onto the Anvil to win it at 9:13. Not great. *
They throw to New York, and Vince and Susan, and Roddy Piper cuts another insane and racist promo on Mr. T. He's so hilarious. Back to Chicago, and Gene Okerlund talks to Jimbo Covert and the Iron Sheik. They show a replay of Andre throwing Bret out.
WWF World Tag Team Championship:
The Dream Team (Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine, Champions, with Johnny Valiant)
Vs
The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and the Dynamite Kid, with Captain Lou Albano and Ozzy Osborne)
This is the Bulldogs absolute last shot at the titles, and there's two referees, one in the ring, one out. The Bulldogs had earned a title shot by winning a non-title match on an early episode of SNME. Valentine and Davey duke it out mid-ring. Valentine takes him down and misses an elbow. Davey works an armwringer. Valentine misses a hammer, and Dynamite comes in. Headlock, and Dynamite shoulderblocks him into the corner. Davey comes back in and hits delayed vertical suplex for 2. Valentine bails out and takes a breather. He comes back in and reverses a whip, and drops the abdominal headbutt. Beefcake comes in and grabs a wristlock. Davey press slams the 273 pounds Beefcake, then Dynamite clothesliens and chops him. Inside cradle for 2. They catch Beefcake, and Davey gets a cradle suplex for 2. Beefcake makes a tag to Valentine, and Davey gets caught. Valentine with a suplex for 2. He goes to a chinlock, but that doesn't last. Dynamite comes in, driving shoulders to Valentine's midsection. He throws him down, and gets a near-fall. Davey comes in, then they hit a tandem shoulderblock for 2. Dynamite with a sunset for 2. Backbreaker gets 2. Another near-fall, and Valentine fires back. He flattens the Kid, then a piledriver gets 2. He holds Dynamite's wrists for a couple of near-falls, but Valentine gets crocthed on Dynamite's legs. Four-way brawl erupts, and the Bulldogs go for the press-slam headbutt, but both heels are out of the ring. Davey hits the powerslam, but it only gets 2. Suplex for 2. Valentine sends Davey into the post shoulder-first. He starts working the shoulder, grabbing a hammerlock. Beefcake comes in, hitting the shoulder. He lifts Davey up with a hammerlock, then drops him with it. Valentine in with a hammer shot to the shoulder. Shoulderbreaker, but Valentine pulls him up at 2. Dynamite climbs to the top, and Davey runs Valentine's head into Dynamite's, and then falls on Valentine for the pin at 13:03 to win the titles. The Bulldogs are both worse for wear, but Gene O gets comments from everyone. Good match *** ½
Back to Vince and Susan, who then throw to Los Angeles.
It's announcing hell: Jesse Ventura, Lord Al Hayes, and Elvira.
Hercules Hernandez
Vs
Rick Steamboat
Stagger Lee Marshall is our ring announcer, and this could have been Steamboat Vs Bret Hart, but they decided that wouldn't get any asses in seats, apparently. This place is still pretty empty. Steamboat weathers an early assault, taking him down with an armdrag, going to an armbar. You can always tell when Steamboat is mailing it in, because he goes martial arts and full armdragon mode. That's literally all Steamboat does, until Herc hits a clothesline. He goes after Steamboat's back, then he hits a stun-gun. Steamboat fires back with his martial arts strikes. He goes for a slam, but Herc falls on him for 2. Back elbow by Hercules. A couple of elbow drops, but Steamboat kicks out at 2. He fires back with chops, but Hercules wipes him out with a clothesline. That gets 2. Press-slam, and another. Hercules goes up, but Steamboat gets his knees up. Steamboat goes up and hits the flying body-press for the pin at 7:27. **
Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart)
Vs
Uncle Elmer
Adonis is in full-on flamboyant cross-dresser mode. I will always say that Adonis was a wasted talent with this gimmick. Elmer is Stan Frasier, who had about 90 gimmicks in his career. He's huge, about 6'8”, and he spends a lot of the pre-match mocking Adonis. Adonis and Hart bail out. Elmer jumps him coming in, and Adonis does a nice upside down bump in the corner. Adonis goes outside again. Back in, Elmer nails him and Adonis bounces to the floor. Elmer rips the dress off of Adrian, then slingshots him in. Gut bump, and Adonis gets caught in the ropes. He fires back, but Elmer hits an avalanche. He misses a legdrop, and Adonis hits a top rope splash for the pin. *
Lord Al Hayes talks to Hulk Hogan.
Terry and Hoss Funk (with Jimmy Hart)
Vs
Tito Santana and the Junkyard Dog
Terry is a madman, throwing chairs everywhere. Hoss is, of course, Dory Junior. JYD sends them into each other, slamming both guys. The Funks bail out and regroup. Tito tags in, and he goes with Terry. Terry chops and elbows him, then clotheslining him out. He hits Hoss with a series of dropkicks, and the Funks are on the floor again. Kind of hard for me to believe that Terry won his NWA title more than 40 years ago, and Dory almost 50. Terry gets the worst of an exchange with JYD, who gives him about 20 turnbuckle shots. JYD tosses Terry to the floor, and Terry tags Hoss back in right away. Santana gets caught by a Hoss knee. Hoss hits several uppercuts, but during a leapfrog sequence, Tito hits a flying forearm for 2. Terry makes the save, and the Funks powder again. Criss-cross, but Terry hits Santana in the back with a knee. Terry dumps Santana to the floor, JYD comes over, trying to defend Santana from Jimmy Hart. Terry with a suplex for 2. Santana reverses a suplex, and Funk hits a clothesline. Terry tags Hoss, who hits a double arm suplex for 2. Uppercut for 2. They keep working over Tito, including a double clothesline. That gets 2. Terry misses a legdrop, and Santana can't quite make the tag. He hits Funk in the stomach, but crawls to the wrong corner. He ducks and dodgers and weaves, and FINALLY makes the tag. JYD cleans house, backdropping Terry to the floor. JYD and Hoss tangle, breifly, then he slams Terry through the timekeepers table. Jimmy Hart climbs to the apron, and JYD nails him. It all breaks down, the referee gets distracted, and Terry wallops JYD with Jimmy Hart's megaphone for the pin at 11:42. Good match, one of the best of the night. *** ¾
They bring out the big blue cage, and while that's being set up, they show the build up to the Hogan Vs Bundy main event. Bundy and Don Muraco conspired with Bobby Heenan to injure Hogan's ribs. Jesse Ventura talks to Heenan and Bundy. They let Elvira throw to Vince and Susan.
WWF World Title Cage Match:
Hulk Hogan (Champion)
Vs
King Kong Bundy (with Bobby Heenan)
A half-crocked Tommy Lasorda is the ring announcer, Rick Schroeder is the guest time keeper, and Robert Conrad is the special enforcer outside the ring. It's also the debut of the blue bar steel cage, which is much more TV friendly than the cyclone fence version. This is a fairly typical Hogan cage match, and Hogan's ribs are taped thanks to Bundy's attack on SNME. He might as well be wearing a bulls-eye. Bundy beats Hogan down and attempts to exit through the door a couple of times, then Hogan fires back, sending him to the cage. Bundy does a weak blade-job, but Hogan helpfully punches the cut a whole bunch and it starts to flow a bit. He sends Bundy into the cage a few more times, then STANDS ON HIS NECK on the top rope. He tries for a slam, but Bundy falls on him. Bundy can't make the door because Hogan chokes him with the ace bandage he was wearing. Bundy hits the avalanche, then a splash, but Hogan grabs his leg to keep him from leaving. Another avalanche, but Hogan no-sells it, hits a powerslam and a leg drop He climbs up the cage, kicks Bundy off, then climbs out to escape the cage to retain his title at 10:35. He beats up Bundy and Heenan after the match, atomic dropping Heenan into the cage. Heenan blades for added effect. Not a scientific marvel or anything, but it was watchable and the crowd was hot. **
The Bottom Line: This is not a great show, with the top matches being under ****. Take a pass on it, unless you love the British Bulldogs or the Funks.
Some genius had the brilliant idea to hold this in three different locations. This necessitated some odd commentary teams, and some really not great matches in positions of prominence.
From Uniondale, Long Island, New York:
Ray Charles sings “America the Beautiful” with some pretty spectacular feedback on his mic.
Gene Okerlund is in Chicago. Roddy Piper cuts a hilarious and insanely racist promo on Mr. T.
Vince McMahon and Susan Saint James are the commentators for the New York portion of our show. (Susan was on “Kate & Allie” in the 80’s. I’ve literally not seen her in anything in the last thirty years.
Paul Orndorff
Vs
Don Muraco (with Mr Fuji)
Poor Orndorff. He went from the main event to jerking the curtain. He was a pretty over babyface, and Muraco was happily into his fat and lazy period. He and Fuji seem to have been having fun at least. Orndorff was at few months away from one of the hottest programs in wrestling history. They trade slams, and Orndorff mocks Mr Fuji’s Asian heritage. Muraco buries a knee in the corner, but Orndorff reverses a whip and takes him down into an armbar. Orndorff holds on to the armbar as Muraco tries to armdrag out of it. He works the arm a bit. These two were just going through the motions. This is not the hot opener you want for the biggest show of the year. Susan Saint James is AWFUL on commentary. Muraco gets a Samoan drop, then he runs Orndorff to the buckle. They tumble to the floor and both get counted out at 4:10. Big fat DUD.
Mr. T is in the locker room, and his promo is just as funny as Piper’s, but for different reasons.
Intercontinental Championship:
Randy Savage (Champion, with Elizabeth)
Vs
George “The Animal” Steele
Savage had been IC champion for about a month or so at this point. Savage is firmly entrenched as a horrible dick of a heel, and is just a maniac. Got to love what he brought to the table. Susan Saint James sums up the issue between Savage and Steele in that Savage treats Liz like shit and she should leave, but she won’t. Savage gets on his bicycle and there’s almost no contact for the first two or three minutes. Steele bites Savage on the leg, but gets caught in the choke lift on the inside. Savage bumps like nuts for Steele, who gets distracted by Liz and gets caught up in the ropes. Savage hits a cross body for 2, but tumbles to the floor. Steele brings him in, then dumps him to the floor. Steele gets distracted again, so Savage jumps him. Steele bites his arm again, and Savage grabs a bouquet of flowers and mauls Savage with it. Steele tears apart a turnbuckle pad. He shoves it into Savage’s face, and Macho Man sells that like an exploder suplex. That’s dedication to your craft. Steel gets distracted by Liz again, and Savage comes off the top. Slam, Savage drops the elbow, but it only gets 2. Savage scoops Steele in the corner and gets the pin using the ropes at 5:10. DUD.
Gene Okerlund talks to John Studd and Bill Fralic.
Jake Roberts
Vs
George Wells
Roberts is a freshly debuted heel. Wells attacks right away, controlling with a backdrop and forearms. He dumps Wells to the floor, who nails him. Shoulderblock, and Jake is down. Headbutt, then a whip to the corner and a headscissors. Jake wants time, but Wells stays on him. Slam, then a shot to the throat. Kneelift, and Jake sells it like he’s dead. Powerslam by Wells for 2. Jake gets a thumb to the eye, then he bails out. Wells follows him out then back in, and Jake gets a kneelift and the DDT for the pin at 3:10. ¼ * Wells gets the snake treatment after the match.
We see a history package of Roddy Piper Vs Mr. T. Vince throws to LA and Jesse Ventura interviews Hulk Hogan.
Howard Finkel introduces guest ring announcer Joan Rivers, who in turn introduces the judges for the next match: Daryl Dawkins (NBA), Cab Calloway, and former Nixon White House Guy, G. Gordon Liddy. Herb from Burger King is the guest time keeper. This is really like the graveyard of bad 80's pop culture. This all sets up 10 rounds of boxing:
Roddy Piper (with Lou Duva and Bob Orton)
Vs
Mr. T (with Joe Frazier)
There's actual instructions from the ref, and Piper talks shit the entire time.
First Round: They feel each other out, and Piper gets into him and they break on the ropes. Piper, of course, hits on the break. Mr. T backs him into the corner, and they go back to the middle. If this was real boxing, they'd be out of gas already. They keep going to the corner and the ref keeps breaking them up, and they ignore him and go right back at it. The bell rings, and they stay at it. I'd say Piper won the round, so I go 10-9.
Between rounds, Piper comes over to talk more shit.
Second Round: There's too much salve on Piper, and the ref wipes it off. Mr T controls, but Piper takes over and whales on him against the ropes. They just start throwing haymakers, and Piper just taunts him. Piper traps him in the corner and just swings wildly at him, just winding up. T goes down, and the crowd cheers Piper. T is up at 8, and he's okay to continue. T goes for the clinch, but Piper drops him after the bell. Piper won that round easily, 10-9, making it 20-18. I
Piper comes over and throws water at T.
Third Round: Mr. T just lays in the worst worked body shots, then pummels him in the corner. T nails him with a left, and Piper is down. Piper gets up at 8, and T comes right back in. T drops him with a left, and Piper is down, and out of the ring. He's back in, and the ref lets it continue. They clinch in the corner, and Piper fires back. Both guys are arm-weary, and the bell rings for the end of the round. T wins the round handily, 10-8, making it 28-28.
T comes over to Piper's corner to run HIS mouth now, so Piper throws his stool at T
Fourth Round: They just stand in the middle of the ring and tee off on each other. T starts landing haymakers, then Piper with his, knocking T's mouthpiece out. Then T knocks Piper's out. The ref gets pushed down by Piper, and then he slams Mr. T for the DQ at 1:14 of the round and 16:14 total. What an absolute clusterfuck. Piper was, at least, entertaining. * ¼
Now to the Rosemont Horizon in Chicago, IL.Our hosts there are Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund. Cathy Lee Crosby is our celebrity in the booth. Chet Koppick is the ring announcer.
WWF Women's Title
The Fabulous Moolah (Champion)
Vs
Velvet McIntyre
Moolah jumps her at the bell, does three or four hair whips, then a punch to the throat. Velvet hits a couple of kicks, then a slam. She misses a splash (and her boobs almost come out, so she fixes that on the fly), and Moolah gets a bodyride for the pin at 1:25. That was a total waste of time. DUD.
Flag Match:
Nikolai Volkoff (with Fred Blassie)
Vs
Cpl Kirchner
Nikolai wants to sing the Soviet National Anthem. This was such a heat magnet for Volkoff and whomever he was aligned with. Kirchner was an attempt to build a new Sgt Slaughter, but he didn't have 1/8 the charisma of the real sarge. He'd be gone not long after this at any rate. They brawl to the floor, and Volkoff blades him right on camera under the pretense of biting him. He sends Kirchner to the post. The ref gets bumped, and Blassie fires his cane in towards Volkoff, and Kirchner intercepts it and clobbers Volkoff with it for the pin at 2:05. That was mercifully short. ¼ *
20-Man battle Royal:
The time keeper is the “Where's the Beef?” Lady; the special referees are Dick Butkus and Ed “Too Tall” Jones. The participants: Jimbo Covert (Chicago Bears), Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin (Former Dallas Cowboy), Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga (aka Haku), The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes (Former Pittsburgh Steeler), Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic (Atlanta Falcons), Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, Russ Francis (San Francisco 49ers), Bruno Sammartino, Refrigerator Perry, and Andre the Giant. This is literally the fastest battle royal ever, and Ernie Ladd joins the broadcast team. King Tonga and Jimbo Covert are the first to go, and Russ Francis goes right after Andre. Holmes is elminiated. Andre just beats the shit out of Studd in the corner. Brunzell is gone, then Perry dumps Atlas. Studd unloads on Perry, as Pedro and Martin tumble out. Arcidi tries to dump Blair, but he sneaks back in under the bottom rope. Arcidi goes, then the Shiek dumps Spivey. Blair and Hillbilly eliminate each other. Studd and the Sheik dump Fralic. Studd dumps Sheik, then Francis hits Andre with shoulderblocks. Studd dumps Bruno. Studd goes after Andre, and Fridge almost eliminates the Harts. He charges Studd in the corner, but Studd hiptosses him over the top. Fridge offers a handshake and pulls Studd out. It's down to Andre, Russ Francis, Bret Hart, and Jim Neidhart. Andre gets tied in the ropes, and the Harts work Francis over. Andre frees himself as the Harts eliminate Francis. The Harts control Andre breifly, but Anvil whips Bret right into an Andre boot. Andre runs their heads together, then kicks Anvil out. Bret climbs up, but Andre grabs him and throws him onto the Anvil to win it at 9:13. Not great. *
They throw to New York, and Vince and Susan, and Roddy Piper cuts another insane and racist promo on Mr. T. He's so hilarious. Back to Chicago, and Gene Okerlund talks to Jimbo Covert and the Iron Sheik. They show a replay of Andre throwing Bret out.
WWF World Tag Team Championship:
The Dream Team (Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine, Champions, with Johnny Valiant)
Vs
The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and the Dynamite Kid, with Captain Lou Albano and Ozzy Osborne)
This is the Bulldogs absolute last shot at the titles, and there's two referees, one in the ring, one out. The Bulldogs had earned a title shot by winning a non-title match on an early episode of SNME. Valentine and Davey duke it out mid-ring. Valentine takes him down and misses an elbow. Davey works an armwringer. Valentine misses a hammer, and Dynamite comes in. Headlock, and Dynamite shoulderblocks him into the corner. Davey comes back in and hits delayed vertical suplex for 2. Valentine bails out and takes a breather. He comes back in and reverses a whip, and drops the abdominal headbutt. Beefcake comes in and grabs a wristlock. Davey press slams the 273 pounds Beefcake, then Dynamite clothesliens and chops him. Inside cradle for 2. They catch Beefcake, and Davey gets a cradle suplex for 2. Beefcake makes a tag to Valentine, and Davey gets caught. Valentine with a suplex for 2. He goes to a chinlock, but that doesn't last. Dynamite comes in, driving shoulders to Valentine's midsection. He throws him down, and gets a near-fall. Davey comes in, then they hit a tandem shoulderblock for 2. Dynamite with a sunset for 2. Backbreaker gets 2. Another near-fall, and Valentine fires back. He flattens the Kid, then a piledriver gets 2. He holds Dynamite's wrists for a couple of near-falls, but Valentine gets crocthed on Dynamite's legs. Four-way brawl erupts, and the Bulldogs go for the press-slam headbutt, but both heels are out of the ring. Davey hits the powerslam, but it only gets 2. Suplex for 2. Valentine sends Davey into the post shoulder-first. He starts working the shoulder, grabbing a hammerlock. Beefcake comes in, hitting the shoulder. He lifts Davey up with a hammerlock, then drops him with it. Valentine in with a hammer shot to the shoulder. Shoulderbreaker, but Valentine pulls him up at 2. Dynamite climbs to the top, and Davey runs Valentine's head into Dynamite's, and then falls on Valentine for the pin at 13:03 to win the titles. The Bulldogs are both worse for wear, but Gene O gets comments from everyone. Good match *** ½
Back to Vince and Susan, who then throw to Los Angeles.
It's announcing hell: Jesse Ventura, Lord Al Hayes, and Elvira.
Hercules Hernandez
Vs
Rick Steamboat
Stagger Lee Marshall is our ring announcer, and this could have been Steamboat Vs Bret Hart, but they decided that wouldn't get any asses in seats, apparently. This place is still pretty empty. Steamboat weathers an early assault, taking him down with an armdrag, going to an armbar. You can always tell when Steamboat is mailing it in, because he goes martial arts and full armdragon mode. That's literally all Steamboat does, until Herc hits a clothesline. He goes after Steamboat's back, then he hits a stun-gun. Steamboat fires back with his martial arts strikes. He goes for a slam, but Herc falls on him for 2. Back elbow by Hercules. A couple of elbow drops, but Steamboat kicks out at 2. He fires back with chops, but Hercules wipes him out with a clothesline. That gets 2. Press-slam, and another. Hercules goes up, but Steamboat gets his knees up. Steamboat goes up and hits the flying body-press for the pin at 7:27. **
Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart)
Vs
Uncle Elmer
Adonis is in full-on flamboyant cross-dresser mode. I will always say that Adonis was a wasted talent with this gimmick. Elmer is Stan Frasier, who had about 90 gimmicks in his career. He's huge, about 6'8”, and he spends a lot of the pre-match mocking Adonis. Adonis and Hart bail out. Elmer jumps him coming in, and Adonis does a nice upside down bump in the corner. Adonis goes outside again. Back in, Elmer nails him and Adonis bounces to the floor. Elmer rips the dress off of Adrian, then slingshots him in. Gut bump, and Adonis gets caught in the ropes. He fires back, but Elmer hits an avalanche. He misses a legdrop, and Adonis hits a top rope splash for the pin. *
Lord Al Hayes talks to Hulk Hogan.
Terry and Hoss Funk (with Jimmy Hart)
Vs
Tito Santana and the Junkyard Dog
Terry is a madman, throwing chairs everywhere. Hoss is, of course, Dory Junior. JYD sends them into each other, slamming both guys. The Funks bail out and regroup. Tito tags in, and he goes with Terry. Terry chops and elbows him, then clotheslining him out. He hits Hoss with a series of dropkicks, and the Funks are on the floor again. Kind of hard for me to believe that Terry won his NWA title more than 40 years ago, and Dory almost 50. Terry gets the worst of an exchange with JYD, who gives him about 20 turnbuckle shots. JYD tosses Terry to the floor, and Terry tags Hoss back in right away. Santana gets caught by a Hoss knee. Hoss hits several uppercuts, but during a leapfrog sequence, Tito hits a flying forearm for 2. Terry makes the save, and the Funks powder again. Criss-cross, but Terry hits Santana in the back with a knee. Terry dumps Santana to the floor, JYD comes over, trying to defend Santana from Jimmy Hart. Terry with a suplex for 2. Santana reverses a suplex, and Funk hits a clothesline. Terry tags Hoss, who hits a double arm suplex for 2. Uppercut for 2. They keep working over Tito, including a double clothesline. That gets 2. Terry misses a legdrop, and Santana can't quite make the tag. He hits Funk in the stomach, but crawls to the wrong corner. He ducks and dodgers and weaves, and FINALLY makes the tag. JYD cleans house, backdropping Terry to the floor. JYD and Hoss tangle, breifly, then he slams Terry through the timekeepers table. Jimmy Hart climbs to the apron, and JYD nails him. It all breaks down, the referee gets distracted, and Terry wallops JYD with Jimmy Hart's megaphone for the pin at 11:42. Good match, one of the best of the night. *** ¾
They bring out the big blue cage, and while that's being set up, they show the build up to the Hogan Vs Bundy main event. Bundy and Don Muraco conspired with Bobby Heenan to injure Hogan's ribs. Jesse Ventura talks to Heenan and Bundy. They let Elvira throw to Vince and Susan.
WWF World Title Cage Match:
Hulk Hogan (Champion)
Vs
King Kong Bundy (with Bobby Heenan)
A half-crocked Tommy Lasorda is the ring announcer, Rick Schroeder is the guest time keeper, and Robert Conrad is the special enforcer outside the ring. It's also the debut of the blue bar steel cage, which is much more TV friendly than the cyclone fence version. This is a fairly typical Hogan cage match, and Hogan's ribs are taped thanks to Bundy's attack on SNME. He might as well be wearing a bulls-eye. Bundy beats Hogan down and attempts to exit through the door a couple of times, then Hogan fires back, sending him to the cage. Bundy does a weak blade-job, but Hogan helpfully punches the cut a whole bunch and it starts to flow a bit. He sends Bundy into the cage a few more times, then STANDS ON HIS NECK on the top rope. He tries for a slam, but Bundy falls on him. Bundy can't make the door because Hogan chokes him with the ace bandage he was wearing. Bundy hits the avalanche, then a splash, but Hogan grabs his leg to keep him from leaving. Another avalanche, but Hogan no-sells it, hits a powerslam and a leg drop He climbs up the cage, kicks Bundy off, then climbs out to escape the cage to retain his title at 10:35. He beats up Bundy and Heenan after the match, atomic dropping Heenan into the cage. Heenan blades for added effect. Not a scientific marvel or anything, but it was watchable and the crowd was hot. **
The Bottom Line: This is not a great show, with the top matches being under ****. Take a pass on it, unless you love the British Bulldogs or the Funks.
