Post by Shatter Machine on Feb 11, 2016 22:15:34 GMT -5
1989.04.02
WrestleMania V
Atlantic City, NJ
Hosted by Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura
WWF Women's Champion Rockin' Robin sings “America the Beautiful”
King Haku (with Bobby Heenan)
Vs
Hercules
Heenan asks that everyone in the audience get out of their seats to bow to King Haku. Hercules gets a really nice pop, and he clears the ring with his chain. This was probably the most over he was in his entire career, and Haku jumps him at the bell. Big chops from Haku, but Herc gets a hiptoss, then a slam. Lift and drop, and Herc clotheslines him over the top. Big suplex in, and Herc drops an elbow, and another one. He decides to go chasing Heenan instead of winning the match. He walks right into a clothesline on the floor, and Haku puts the boots (er, bare feet) to him. Haku tosses him back in, and hits a nice backbreaker, then picks him up and does it again. That gets 2. Haku grabs a bear hug, and Gorilla takes him to task for executing it improperly. Herc breaks it, but Haku gets a knee in, then a kick. Haku chokes him on the ropes. Herc ducks a clothesline and hits a cross-body for 2. Haku misses a body-press off the second rope, and they go toe to toe in the middle of the ring. Herc gets an elbow, and Haku goes down. Kneelift and a series of clotheslines, and Herc hits a powerslam for 2. Herc goes up, but Haku hits a crescent kick on the way down. Haku misses a splash, and Herc hits a back suplex and rolls his shoulder over for the pin at 6:57. Not a bad match from two guys who aren't exactly world renowned for their technical ability. **
Mean Gene Okerlund is in the locker room talking to the Rockers. They're stoned out of their minds, so the promo is brief.
The Twin Towers (Akeem & Big Bossman, with Slick)
Vs
The Rockers (Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty)
The Rockers run at the beginning, getting the Towers to chase them around. Bossman is still REALLY fat, and he grabs Shawn and slaps him. Shawn hits a second rope dropkick to the back. He hits Bossman, then Akeem, generally just sticking and moving. Akeem tags in, and they work his arm. Akeem backs Shawn into the corner, but he misses a charge. The Rockers continue on the arm-wringer. Marty gets squashed between the Towers, and he's our Face-in-Peril. They squash him flat for a little while, including a tandem avalanche. He fires back at Bossman, but just doesn't have enough. Heel miscommunication, and Marty makes the hot tag to Shawn, and they double team him, taking him down with a double team shoulder block Jesse gets his requisite shot in at Joey Marella, and Akeem nearly kills Shawn dead with a clothesline. Bossman misses a splash, and Shawn gets 2. They take Bossman down, then hit a double dropkick. Bossman catches Shawn coming off the top and power bombs him. Akeem finishes Shawn with a splash at 8:02. Not awful again. **
Tony Schiavone talks to Ted DiBiase and Virgil. Well, DiBiase, anyway.
Ted DiBiase (with Virgil)
Vs
Brutus Beefcake
Beefcake is such a dated character. Kind of surprised he's not in the WWE HOF yet. He headlined Pay Per Views, he held the tag titles, he was a big star in the 1980's. Maybe it's because he's a Hogan crony. Beefcake's mullet is out of control, with the flat-top and the waterfall in the back. Beefcake gets sick of DiBiase talking shit and nails him. A couple of backdrops, and DiBiase bails out. He catches him with a knee, and hits some chops in the corner. Beefcake comes back with a couple of slams, then clotheslines DiBiase over the top rope. DiBiase stalls a bit, but finally comes back in. They exchange right hands, and Virgil grabs Beefcake's leg, allowing DiBiase to take him down. Back elbow by DiBiase, and a fist drop gets 2. Clothesline, and DiBiase goes to the second rope. Double Ax from there, and a stomp gets 2. DiBiase puts his head down for a backdrop, and Beefcake gets an inside cradle for 2. Beefcake gets a suplex, and both guys are down. Double clothesline, and they're both down. DiBiase with a suplex, and we're about to see the Million Dollar Dream. He locks it in, but Beefcake gets the ropes. Beefcake blocks a turnbuckle shot, then runs DiBiase to it. They go toe to toe, and Beefcake runs his head into the buckles, then calls for his sleeper. He locks it in, right in the middle of the ring. Virgil climbs up on the apron to distract, and DiBiase dumps Beefcake to the floor, where he brawls with Virgil. DiBiase back jumps him, and they brawl to a double count-out at 10:01. ** ½ DiBiase eats the ringpost, and Beefcake puts Virgil to sleep, but DiBiase comes in, and Beefcake goes after his clippers. This was better than it had any right to be. Beefcake really pulled his weight, it wasn't all DiBiase. Beefcake is one of those guys whose improvement really happened rapidly from the Honky Tonk Man program in 1988 until his parasailing accident in 1990, he really became a great worker. Then he was a slug again.
Lord Al Hayes was at the morning brunch with the Bushwhackers.
The Rougeau Brothers (Raymond & Jacques, with Jimmy Hart)
Vs
The Bushwhackers (Luke Williams and Butch Miller)
Great, now “All American Boys” is going to be stuck in my head. I really hate how goofy the Bushwhackers were, compared to how insane and violent they were as the Sheepherders. I guess they wanted to work a style that was easier on their bodies. This is comedy, which is fine, because everyone is pretty much over the hill except Jacques. Butch plays moron in peril for a bit. The Rougeaus keep cheap-shotting Luke on the apron. They hit the cool Abdominal Stretch/Crescent Kick combo, and the Bushwhackers hit the battering ram and double stomach breaker for the pin out of nowhere at 9:10. It wasn't offensive. ½ *
Shawn Mooney is in the crowd, and he gets licked and assaulted by the Bushwhackers as they leave. I fucking hate Shawn Mooney.
Mr. Perfect
Vs
The Blue Blazer
Curt Hennig was so amazing. So was Owen Hart before he ruined his knees. Perfect gets a great hiptoss, and they trade slaps. Perfect with chops, but Blazer flips out of a hiptoss, hits a slam, and dropkicks Perfect to the floor. Blazer with a baseball slide dropkick. Back in, and Blazer with some chops, then into an armbar. Blazer flips out of a hip-lock block, then a slam and dropkick. Backbreaker gets 2. Blazer goes up but Perfect gets his knees up on a splash. He works the back, dropping knees. Perfect goes to a reverse chinlock. Jesse says hi to his family in Minnesota. Perfect with chops in the corner. Blazer catches him with an elbow in the corner. Powerslam gets 2. Belly-to-belly gets 2. Crucifix gets 2. Huge elbow crushes the Blazer, and Perfect hits the Perfectplex for the win 5:38. That was really good. Imagine how good it would have been if they'd given it 15 minutes. ***
Jesse is introduced to the crowd, then Lord Al has a report about the WrestleMania 5K run.
Run DMC performs their WrestleMania Rap, and the crowd is apathetic.
History package about Mr. Fuji turning on Demolition and going over to the Powers of Pain.
WWF Tag Team Championship:
Demolition (Ax & Smash, champions)
Vs
The Powers of Pain (Warlord and Barbarian) & Mr. Fuji
Demolition's music is dubbed over, which makes no sense, but whatever. The Demos keep Warlord in their half of the ring. This feud was DOA after about three months of it in 1988, and they extended it for another five months. Ax clotheslines Barbarian, then slams him. Smash hits a back elbow, and they keep Barbarian in their corner for a spell as well. Barbarian tags Warlord back in, but Smash cuts him right off. Ax chases Fuji, and Barbarian hits a boot to the face, leading to him getting pummeled in the POP corner. Fuji gets his stuff in, then Barbarian hits the Kick of Fear! Shoulder block, and Warlord comes back in. He gets 2. Barbarian hits a slam, and Fuji goes up, but he misses off the top. Ax can't make the tag, and Fuji does. Warlord slams Ax, but Ax hits a clothesline and tags Smash, who cleans house. The Demos clothesline Warlord on the top rope for 2, then a five-way brawl breaks out, and heel miscommunication leads to Fuji throwing his salt in the eyes of Warlord, and the Demos hit the Decapitation for the pin at 8:20. Not great. * ½
Tony Schiavone attempts to talk to Randy Savage, but it doesn't go well.
Dino Bravo (with Frenchy Martin)
Vs
Ron Garvin
I think Martin is Rick Martel's brother. Ron Garvin is well past his prime here, and he is announced as being from Charlotte, NC; but he's actually from the same place as Bravo: Montreal. Superfly Snuka is introduced to the crowd, making his surprise return to the WWF after four years or so. He basically came in, got a mini-push, then was on job duty for a few years. He bows to the crowd, and after that, Bravo mugs Garvin. He works the lower back. He grabs a bearhug, then throws Garvin into the corner. Bravo is so juiced he's practically immobile. Garvin manages to knock Bravo down with a punch and gets a couple of near falls. He runs Bravo to the corner, and Bravo can't even do that correctly. Rolling cradle for 2. Sleeper by Garvin, but Bravo makes the ropes right away. Garvin sets for a piledriver, but Bravo backdrops out of it, Garvin turns it into a sunset for 2. He mounts in the corner for some punches, but Bravo gets an atomic drop, and Bravo hits the side suplex out of nowhere for the pin at 3:06. Garvin knocks Bravo out of the ring, then kayo's Frenchy and hits the Garvin Stomp. That was awful. DUD.
The Brainbusters (Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard, with Bobby Heenan)
Vs
Strike Force (Rick Martel & Tito Santana)
This is the return of Strike Force as a team after almost a year. Martel gets caught in the heel corner, but fights right out. Four-way brawl right away, and Strike Force dropkicks the Busters out of the ring. Martel runs Anderson into the mat face-first, and they do some mat wrestling. Anderson gets a body scissors, which Martel turns into a Boston Crab. Blanchard reaches in and thumbs Martel in the eye. Martel gets a blind tag to Santana, who locks in the figure-four on Blanchard. Anderson comes in, and Martel gets one on him as well. Anderson rakes Tito's eyes to break it up, then Tito gets a rolling cradle for 2. Tito gets a bridge into a backslide, but Anderson breaks that up as well. Another blind tag to Martel, and Tito goes for the flying forearm, but Blanchard ducks, and Tito nails Martel. Blanchard hits Santana with a dropkick, then Arn gets a shot to the gut. Blanchard gets whipped into Anderson, but Santana can't get to Martel. Tito is el face-in-peril, but hits a cross-body for 1. Arn gets a chinlock, but Tito fires back. Arn gets a knee up, but gets slammed off the top. Tito goes to make the tag, but Martel, still shaking off the effects of the forearm, walks away. He walks away from the match, and that's about it for Strike Force. This kind of broke my heart as a kid, since I was a huge Strike Force mark. Arn hits the spinebuster, and Tito is a dead man walking. He fires back, but they're just too much for him. Spike Piledriver wins it for the Brainbusters at 9:17. Pretty good match ***
Martel cuts a really bad heel promo on Santana, saying that Tito was riding his coattails.
Piper's Pit: This is Roddy Piper's return after two years, and Howard Finkel gives a great introduction, and it winds up being Brother Love in a kilt. Well, if they're going to have someone do an imitation of Roddy, Bruce Pritchard is probably the best choice. He does a little spiel, then Morton Downey, Jr., comes out. Downey was a kind of blowhard talk-show host who's gimmick was that he would chain-smoke and insult his guests. They have a little tete-a-tete, then Roddy makes his appearance. Piper asks Brother Love a series of questions, constantly taking the mic from him before he can get more than two or three syllables out. Downey keeps lobbing cigarettes at the two of them. Piper runs Love off, then has a bit of an issue with Downey, who keeps blowing smoke in Piper's face, so Piper asks him for a cigarette. While he's getting it, Piper blasts him with a fire extinguisher. It was much funnier when I was a kid. It just went on too long.
There's a promo for Hulk Hogan starring as Hulk Hogan in “No Holds Barred”
Shawn Mooney talks to Donald Trump.
Jesse Ventura is PISSED that Hogan made a movie.
Great history package of the build-up to the main event, as Hogan and Savage were friends, partners, and now opponents.
Jake Roberts
Vs
Andre the Giant (with Bobby Heenan)
This was the blow off for the “Andre is terrified of snakes” angle that started in the fall of 1989. John Studd is introduced as guest referee, and I just noticed that his music was recycled as Hacksaw Duggan's music, with the “Hoooo!” added in several places. Andre surreptitiously removes a turnbuckle pad during Jake's introduction, and Andre just mauls Jake right off the bat, running him into the buckle. Poor Andre was practically a statue due to his back, but he still loved what he did. This is really, really bad, as Jesse and Gorilla talk about David and Goliath, and how David used a foreign object. Jake fires back at Andre, but Andre squashes him in the corner. I love the legend about how Andre just absolutely hated Studd and would never give him anything at all during their matches. Andre sits on Jake, stands on Jake, and just generally tosses him around at his leisure. Jake fires back again and rocks Andre, tying him in the ropes. He chokes Andre, and as Jake stands next to Studd, the whole “Studd is 6'10”” myth is put to bed, because Jake is exactly the same height. Andre escapes the ropes and continues to maul Jake. Jake fires back, hitting a kneelift, then running Andre into the bare turnbuckle. Andre punches him, then knocks him out of the ring. Studd and Andre start to argue, as Andre won't let Jake back into the ring. Jake tries to bring the snake into the ring, and Studd cuts him off, so Andre nails Studd, and Ted DiBiase nails Jake out of nowhere and tries to run off with the bag, as Andre chokes Studd out in the ring. Jake returns with the snake, and Andre bolts. Jake wins by DQ at 9:44. What an absolute clusterfuck. -*** The only redeeming thing about it is that it set up the Jake-DiBiase program that lasted until WrestleMania VI.
Sheri Martel cuts a program on Miss Elizabeth
Greg Valentine & The Honky Tonk Man (with Jimmy Hart)
Vs
The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart)
The Harts are seriously my favorite tag team ever. Not so much with Honky and the Hammer. Bret out-wrestles Honky right off the bat, getting a rollup for 2 and an atomic drop. Bret handles Valentine, who gets ping-ponged by the Harts. Neidhart flies in with a shoulder block for 2. Bret hits a backbreaker, but misses an elbow. Valentine drops a couple of elbows, and Bret gets caught in the heel corner. Neidhart comes in, allowing some double-teaming. Honky gets a fireman's carry into a slam, then drops elbows. Valentine with an elbow off the top for 2. Bret takes a beating for a while, and Valentine starts softening up the legs. Honky hits the Shake, Rattle, 'n' Roll, but instead of going for the pin, he tags Valentine, who goes for the figure-four. Bret rolls him up for 2. Bret hits a cross-body for 2, but Honky kicks him out to the floor, as Gorilla talks shit to Jesse about how awesome his finisher, the Gorilla Splash was. Anvil tags in and hits a series of dropkicks and a shoulder block gets 2 on Valentine. He kills Valentine dead with a clothesline, but Honky breaks up the pin. Bret hits the second rope elbow on Honky, then a suplex for 2, and Valentine breaks that up. The ref puts Valentine out, and Jimmy Hart leaves his megaphone on the apron for Honky, but Anvil chases Jimmy. Anvil gets to it before Honky, tosses it to Bret, Bret hits Honky with it and gets the pin at 7:40. ** ½
Intercontinental Championship:
Ultimate Warrior (Champion)
Vs
Rick Rude (with Bobby Heenan)
Rude attacks him right off the bat, but knees him in the stomach before he takes the belt off. Warrior tosses him around the ring like a rag doll, from buckle to buckle. Warrior grabs a bearhug, and Rude starts to fade. Warrior must be blown up already to go to this. Rude escapes with an eye poke. Missile dropkick gets 2. Warrior plants him with a slam. Another one, and Warrior goes right back to the bearhug. Jesse calls for the eye poke again. Heenan is fishing in his pockets for something, and the referee prevents Rude from poking Warrior in the eyes again. Warrior bites Rude, then hits a huge backdrop. Warrior hits one too many ropes, and Rude gets his knees up on a splash. Rude gets a piledriver, but his back is hurt. That gets 2. Jawbreaker, but Rude's back is so bad he can't do the hip swivel. Clothesline by Rude gets 2. Rude with a Russian Leg sweep for 2. Rude goes to a surfboard, but Warrior powers out of it. He starts shaking the ropes and throws Rude off. Flying shoulder block, and he runs Rude face-first into the mat a couple of times. Big backbreaker, then he tries to dump him out, but they botch it. Warrior whips him from buckle to buckle, but misses a charge. Rude goes for the Rude Awakening, but Warrior powers out of it and they blow a short clothesline. Rude goes to the floor, so Warrior throws him back in. Warrior clotheslines him out over the top, and when he suplexes Rude back in, Heenan grabs Warrior's ankle and pulls him down, allowing Rude to fall on top to win the match and the title at 9:36. * ¾ Following the match, Warrior destroys Heenan. Rude is another guy who amazes me how good he got considering how bad he was for so long. His stuff with Sting was top notch. Warrior was always a stiff. (I just noticed, the only guy in this match, including the ref, that's still alive is Bobby Heenan, and he's not doing well.)
Bad News Brown
Vs
Hacksaw Duggan
Bad News attacks right away, but Duggan weathers it and clotheslines him to the floor. Bad News comes back in, and yells “There you son of a bitch, c'mon!” They basically just punch each other for a few minutes but the ref throws the whole thing out for the double DQ at 3:49 when Bad News grabs a chair and Duggan grabs his 2x4. Awful. - *** The only move of the entire match happens afterwards when Duggan atomic drops Bad News over the top.
Bobby Heenan (with the Brooklyn Brawler)
Vs
The Red Rooster
This is a squash, as Heenan is reeling from the Warrior's attack. He misses a charge and Rooster gets the pin at 31 seconds. Brawler attacks Rooster after the match, but Rooster runs both guys off.
Elizabeth talks about how she doesn't want either guy to get hurt during the main event.
Randy Savage (Champion)
Vs
Hulk Hogan
Elizabeth is in a neutral corner, and when she's introduced, the crowd is so grabby that Pat Patterson comes to the ring with security to shield her. Savage is so amazing as a heel, just effortlessly easing back into it after a few years as a babyface. The best thing is he goes right back to the Memphis stuff that he is so naturally good at. Hogan overpowers him, so Savage goes to a headlock. Hogan hits a shoulder block, and Savage takes a walk. He comes back in, grabs a headlock, gets bumped out of the ring and takes a walk again. Hogan chases after him, so Savage pulls Liz in front of him. Back in, and Hogan takes him down with a drop toe hold. He goes to a headlock, so Savage suplexes out of it. Savage misses the follow-up, so Hogan punches and grabs an armbar. Savage thumbs out of that and hits a double-ax from the top. He grabs an armbar, then takes Hogan down by the hair. Hogan fights up, then leverages Savage to the floor. Back in, and Hogan sends him to the buckles, then hits a clothesline. He hits a couple of elbows, but Savage gets a boot in on a back body drop attempt. He hits a clothesline, and Hogan has bladed. Savage grabs a headlock, so Hogan hits an atomic drop. Savage gets a rollup for 2. He goes to work on the cut, then he SLAPS the taste out of Hogan's mouth. Hogan fires back, running Savage into the buckle. He hits a clothesline in the corner, then he slams Savage right over the top to the floor. Liz comes over to aid him, and Savage angrily chases her away. He pulls Hogan out and pummels his eye. Hogan goes to post him, but Liz stands in front of it, so Savage shoves Hogan into it as Liz scrambles away. She tries to help Hogan, but Savage starts menacing her. The ref ejects Liz from ringside, and Jesse Ventura is giddy about it. Savage hits the double-ax from the top to the floor, sending Hogan to the railing. He clotheslines Hogan on the top rope, then a slam. Knee drop gets 2, then Savage chokes him down with his wrist tape. Hogan is out, so Savage hits the flying elbow, but Hogan kicks out at 2, hulks up, hits the boot and leg drop for the pin and his second WWF World title at 17:54. Good match, but they had better. *** ½
The Bottom Line: This show is the very definition of the excesses of the 1980's. Too many matches, too many unnecessary celebs, and the match quality was just so mediocre. As I said in the WrestleMania IV thread, this one was like watching Star Trek: The Motion Picture. It wasn't offensive, it was just long and boring. They could have done some NJPW-like stuff with the card and combined some of the matches:
Mr. Perfect Vs The Blue Blazer (make this the opener, give it 15 minutes, tell them to tear the house down)
Hercules, Ron Garvin, Red Rooster & The Rockers Vs Haku, Dino Bravo, Bobby Heenan & The Twin Towers
Tag Titles: Demos Vs POP/Fuji
Jake Roberts Vs Andre the Giant
Rougeaus/Honky Tonk Man/Valentine Vs Harts/Bushwhackers
Street Fight: Duggan Vs Bad News Brown
Brainbusters Vs Strike Force
I-C Title: Warrior Vs Rude
World Title: Hogan Vs Savage
I don't usually do a lot of fantasy booking, but this would get this card down to a manageable number of matches as well as probably cutting the length of the show considerably. As it is, it's just not worth the effort or time to sit through. The main event is really the only match on the show worth watching, and it's available elsewhere. Not recommended at all. Thumbs down.
WrestleMania V
Atlantic City, NJ
Hosted by Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura
WWF Women's Champion Rockin' Robin sings “America the Beautiful”
King Haku (with Bobby Heenan)
Vs
Hercules
Heenan asks that everyone in the audience get out of their seats to bow to King Haku. Hercules gets a really nice pop, and he clears the ring with his chain. This was probably the most over he was in his entire career, and Haku jumps him at the bell. Big chops from Haku, but Herc gets a hiptoss, then a slam. Lift and drop, and Herc clotheslines him over the top. Big suplex in, and Herc drops an elbow, and another one. He decides to go chasing Heenan instead of winning the match. He walks right into a clothesline on the floor, and Haku puts the boots (er, bare feet) to him. Haku tosses him back in, and hits a nice backbreaker, then picks him up and does it again. That gets 2. Haku grabs a bear hug, and Gorilla takes him to task for executing it improperly. Herc breaks it, but Haku gets a knee in, then a kick. Haku chokes him on the ropes. Herc ducks a clothesline and hits a cross-body for 2. Haku misses a body-press off the second rope, and they go toe to toe in the middle of the ring. Herc gets an elbow, and Haku goes down. Kneelift and a series of clotheslines, and Herc hits a powerslam for 2. Herc goes up, but Haku hits a crescent kick on the way down. Haku misses a splash, and Herc hits a back suplex and rolls his shoulder over for the pin at 6:57. Not a bad match from two guys who aren't exactly world renowned for their technical ability. **
Mean Gene Okerlund is in the locker room talking to the Rockers. They're stoned out of their minds, so the promo is brief.
The Twin Towers (Akeem & Big Bossman, with Slick)
Vs
The Rockers (Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty)
The Rockers run at the beginning, getting the Towers to chase them around. Bossman is still REALLY fat, and he grabs Shawn and slaps him. Shawn hits a second rope dropkick to the back. He hits Bossman, then Akeem, generally just sticking and moving. Akeem tags in, and they work his arm. Akeem backs Shawn into the corner, but he misses a charge. The Rockers continue on the arm-wringer. Marty gets squashed between the Towers, and he's our Face-in-Peril. They squash him flat for a little while, including a tandem avalanche. He fires back at Bossman, but just doesn't have enough. Heel miscommunication, and Marty makes the hot tag to Shawn, and they double team him, taking him down with a double team shoulder block Jesse gets his requisite shot in at Joey Marella, and Akeem nearly kills Shawn dead with a clothesline. Bossman misses a splash, and Shawn gets 2. They take Bossman down, then hit a double dropkick. Bossman catches Shawn coming off the top and power bombs him. Akeem finishes Shawn with a splash at 8:02. Not awful again. **
Tony Schiavone talks to Ted DiBiase and Virgil. Well, DiBiase, anyway.
Ted DiBiase (with Virgil)
Vs
Brutus Beefcake
Beefcake is such a dated character. Kind of surprised he's not in the WWE HOF yet. He headlined Pay Per Views, he held the tag titles, he was a big star in the 1980's. Maybe it's because he's a Hogan crony. Beefcake's mullet is out of control, with the flat-top and the waterfall in the back. Beefcake gets sick of DiBiase talking shit and nails him. A couple of backdrops, and DiBiase bails out. He catches him with a knee, and hits some chops in the corner. Beefcake comes back with a couple of slams, then clotheslines DiBiase over the top rope. DiBiase stalls a bit, but finally comes back in. They exchange right hands, and Virgil grabs Beefcake's leg, allowing DiBiase to take him down. Back elbow by DiBiase, and a fist drop gets 2. Clothesline, and DiBiase goes to the second rope. Double Ax from there, and a stomp gets 2. DiBiase puts his head down for a backdrop, and Beefcake gets an inside cradle for 2. Beefcake gets a suplex, and both guys are down. Double clothesline, and they're both down. DiBiase with a suplex, and we're about to see the Million Dollar Dream. He locks it in, but Beefcake gets the ropes. Beefcake blocks a turnbuckle shot, then runs DiBiase to it. They go toe to toe, and Beefcake runs his head into the buckles, then calls for his sleeper. He locks it in, right in the middle of the ring. Virgil climbs up on the apron to distract, and DiBiase dumps Beefcake to the floor, where he brawls with Virgil. DiBiase back jumps him, and they brawl to a double count-out at 10:01. ** ½ DiBiase eats the ringpost, and Beefcake puts Virgil to sleep, but DiBiase comes in, and Beefcake goes after his clippers. This was better than it had any right to be. Beefcake really pulled his weight, it wasn't all DiBiase. Beefcake is one of those guys whose improvement really happened rapidly from the Honky Tonk Man program in 1988 until his parasailing accident in 1990, he really became a great worker. Then he was a slug again.
Lord Al Hayes was at the morning brunch with the Bushwhackers.
The Rougeau Brothers (Raymond & Jacques, with Jimmy Hart)
Vs
The Bushwhackers (Luke Williams and Butch Miller)
Great, now “All American Boys” is going to be stuck in my head. I really hate how goofy the Bushwhackers were, compared to how insane and violent they were as the Sheepherders. I guess they wanted to work a style that was easier on their bodies. This is comedy, which is fine, because everyone is pretty much over the hill except Jacques. Butch plays moron in peril for a bit. The Rougeaus keep cheap-shotting Luke on the apron. They hit the cool Abdominal Stretch/Crescent Kick combo, and the Bushwhackers hit the battering ram and double stomach breaker for the pin out of nowhere at 9:10. It wasn't offensive. ½ *
Shawn Mooney is in the crowd, and he gets licked and assaulted by the Bushwhackers as they leave. I fucking hate Shawn Mooney.
Mr. Perfect
Vs
The Blue Blazer
Curt Hennig was so amazing. So was Owen Hart before he ruined his knees. Perfect gets a great hiptoss, and they trade slaps. Perfect with chops, but Blazer flips out of a hiptoss, hits a slam, and dropkicks Perfect to the floor. Blazer with a baseball slide dropkick. Back in, and Blazer with some chops, then into an armbar. Blazer flips out of a hip-lock block, then a slam and dropkick. Backbreaker gets 2. Blazer goes up but Perfect gets his knees up on a splash. He works the back, dropping knees. Perfect goes to a reverse chinlock. Jesse says hi to his family in Minnesota. Perfect with chops in the corner. Blazer catches him with an elbow in the corner. Powerslam gets 2. Belly-to-belly gets 2. Crucifix gets 2. Huge elbow crushes the Blazer, and Perfect hits the Perfectplex for the win 5:38. That was really good. Imagine how good it would have been if they'd given it 15 minutes. ***
Jesse is introduced to the crowd, then Lord Al has a report about the WrestleMania 5K run.
Run DMC performs their WrestleMania Rap, and the crowd is apathetic.
History package about Mr. Fuji turning on Demolition and going over to the Powers of Pain.
WWF Tag Team Championship:
Demolition (Ax & Smash, champions)
Vs
The Powers of Pain (Warlord and Barbarian) & Mr. Fuji
Demolition's music is dubbed over, which makes no sense, but whatever. The Demos keep Warlord in their half of the ring. This feud was DOA after about three months of it in 1988, and they extended it for another five months. Ax clotheslines Barbarian, then slams him. Smash hits a back elbow, and they keep Barbarian in their corner for a spell as well. Barbarian tags Warlord back in, but Smash cuts him right off. Ax chases Fuji, and Barbarian hits a boot to the face, leading to him getting pummeled in the POP corner. Fuji gets his stuff in, then Barbarian hits the Kick of Fear! Shoulder block, and Warlord comes back in. He gets 2. Barbarian hits a slam, and Fuji goes up, but he misses off the top. Ax can't make the tag, and Fuji does. Warlord slams Ax, but Ax hits a clothesline and tags Smash, who cleans house. The Demos clothesline Warlord on the top rope for 2, then a five-way brawl breaks out, and heel miscommunication leads to Fuji throwing his salt in the eyes of Warlord, and the Demos hit the Decapitation for the pin at 8:20. Not great. * ½
Tony Schiavone attempts to talk to Randy Savage, but it doesn't go well.
Dino Bravo (with Frenchy Martin)
Vs
Ron Garvin
I think Martin is Rick Martel's brother. Ron Garvin is well past his prime here, and he is announced as being from Charlotte, NC; but he's actually from the same place as Bravo: Montreal. Superfly Snuka is introduced to the crowd, making his surprise return to the WWF after four years or so. He basically came in, got a mini-push, then was on job duty for a few years. He bows to the crowd, and after that, Bravo mugs Garvin. He works the lower back. He grabs a bearhug, then throws Garvin into the corner. Bravo is so juiced he's practically immobile. Garvin manages to knock Bravo down with a punch and gets a couple of near falls. He runs Bravo to the corner, and Bravo can't even do that correctly. Rolling cradle for 2. Sleeper by Garvin, but Bravo makes the ropes right away. Garvin sets for a piledriver, but Bravo backdrops out of it, Garvin turns it into a sunset for 2. He mounts in the corner for some punches, but Bravo gets an atomic drop, and Bravo hits the side suplex out of nowhere for the pin at 3:06. Garvin knocks Bravo out of the ring, then kayo's Frenchy and hits the Garvin Stomp. That was awful. DUD.
The Brainbusters (Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard, with Bobby Heenan)
Vs
Strike Force (Rick Martel & Tito Santana)
This is the return of Strike Force as a team after almost a year. Martel gets caught in the heel corner, but fights right out. Four-way brawl right away, and Strike Force dropkicks the Busters out of the ring. Martel runs Anderson into the mat face-first, and they do some mat wrestling. Anderson gets a body scissors, which Martel turns into a Boston Crab. Blanchard reaches in and thumbs Martel in the eye. Martel gets a blind tag to Santana, who locks in the figure-four on Blanchard. Anderson comes in, and Martel gets one on him as well. Anderson rakes Tito's eyes to break it up, then Tito gets a rolling cradle for 2. Tito gets a bridge into a backslide, but Anderson breaks that up as well. Another blind tag to Martel, and Tito goes for the flying forearm, but Blanchard ducks, and Tito nails Martel. Blanchard hits Santana with a dropkick, then Arn gets a shot to the gut. Blanchard gets whipped into Anderson, but Santana can't get to Martel. Tito is el face-in-peril, but hits a cross-body for 1. Arn gets a chinlock, but Tito fires back. Arn gets a knee up, but gets slammed off the top. Tito goes to make the tag, but Martel, still shaking off the effects of the forearm, walks away. He walks away from the match, and that's about it for Strike Force. This kind of broke my heart as a kid, since I was a huge Strike Force mark. Arn hits the spinebuster, and Tito is a dead man walking. He fires back, but they're just too much for him. Spike Piledriver wins it for the Brainbusters at 9:17. Pretty good match ***
Martel cuts a really bad heel promo on Santana, saying that Tito was riding his coattails.
Piper's Pit: This is Roddy Piper's return after two years, and Howard Finkel gives a great introduction, and it winds up being Brother Love in a kilt. Well, if they're going to have someone do an imitation of Roddy, Bruce Pritchard is probably the best choice. He does a little spiel, then Morton Downey, Jr., comes out. Downey was a kind of blowhard talk-show host who's gimmick was that he would chain-smoke and insult his guests. They have a little tete-a-tete, then Roddy makes his appearance. Piper asks Brother Love a series of questions, constantly taking the mic from him before he can get more than two or three syllables out. Downey keeps lobbing cigarettes at the two of them. Piper runs Love off, then has a bit of an issue with Downey, who keeps blowing smoke in Piper's face, so Piper asks him for a cigarette. While he's getting it, Piper blasts him with a fire extinguisher. It was much funnier when I was a kid. It just went on too long.
There's a promo for Hulk Hogan starring as Hulk Hogan in “No Holds Barred”
Shawn Mooney talks to Donald Trump.
Jesse Ventura is PISSED that Hogan made a movie.
Great history package of the build-up to the main event, as Hogan and Savage were friends, partners, and now opponents.
Jake Roberts
Vs
Andre the Giant (with Bobby Heenan)
This was the blow off for the “Andre is terrified of snakes” angle that started in the fall of 1989. John Studd is introduced as guest referee, and I just noticed that his music was recycled as Hacksaw Duggan's music, with the “Hoooo!” added in several places. Andre surreptitiously removes a turnbuckle pad during Jake's introduction, and Andre just mauls Jake right off the bat, running him into the buckle. Poor Andre was practically a statue due to his back, but he still loved what he did. This is really, really bad, as Jesse and Gorilla talk about David and Goliath, and how David used a foreign object. Jake fires back at Andre, but Andre squashes him in the corner. I love the legend about how Andre just absolutely hated Studd and would never give him anything at all during their matches. Andre sits on Jake, stands on Jake, and just generally tosses him around at his leisure. Jake fires back again and rocks Andre, tying him in the ropes. He chokes Andre, and as Jake stands next to Studd, the whole “Studd is 6'10”” myth is put to bed, because Jake is exactly the same height. Andre escapes the ropes and continues to maul Jake. Jake fires back, hitting a kneelift, then running Andre into the bare turnbuckle. Andre punches him, then knocks him out of the ring. Studd and Andre start to argue, as Andre won't let Jake back into the ring. Jake tries to bring the snake into the ring, and Studd cuts him off, so Andre nails Studd, and Ted DiBiase nails Jake out of nowhere and tries to run off with the bag, as Andre chokes Studd out in the ring. Jake returns with the snake, and Andre bolts. Jake wins by DQ at 9:44. What an absolute clusterfuck. -*** The only redeeming thing about it is that it set up the Jake-DiBiase program that lasted until WrestleMania VI.
Sheri Martel cuts a program on Miss Elizabeth
Greg Valentine & The Honky Tonk Man (with Jimmy Hart)
Vs
The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart)
The Harts are seriously my favorite tag team ever. Not so much with Honky and the Hammer. Bret out-wrestles Honky right off the bat, getting a rollup for 2 and an atomic drop. Bret handles Valentine, who gets ping-ponged by the Harts. Neidhart flies in with a shoulder block for 2. Bret hits a backbreaker, but misses an elbow. Valentine drops a couple of elbows, and Bret gets caught in the heel corner. Neidhart comes in, allowing some double-teaming. Honky gets a fireman's carry into a slam, then drops elbows. Valentine with an elbow off the top for 2. Bret takes a beating for a while, and Valentine starts softening up the legs. Honky hits the Shake, Rattle, 'n' Roll, but instead of going for the pin, he tags Valentine, who goes for the figure-four. Bret rolls him up for 2. Bret hits a cross-body for 2, but Honky kicks him out to the floor, as Gorilla talks shit to Jesse about how awesome his finisher, the Gorilla Splash was. Anvil tags in and hits a series of dropkicks and a shoulder block gets 2 on Valentine. He kills Valentine dead with a clothesline, but Honky breaks up the pin. Bret hits the second rope elbow on Honky, then a suplex for 2, and Valentine breaks that up. The ref puts Valentine out, and Jimmy Hart leaves his megaphone on the apron for Honky, but Anvil chases Jimmy. Anvil gets to it before Honky, tosses it to Bret, Bret hits Honky with it and gets the pin at 7:40. ** ½
Intercontinental Championship:
Ultimate Warrior (Champion)
Vs
Rick Rude (with Bobby Heenan)
Rude attacks him right off the bat, but knees him in the stomach before he takes the belt off. Warrior tosses him around the ring like a rag doll, from buckle to buckle. Warrior grabs a bearhug, and Rude starts to fade. Warrior must be blown up already to go to this. Rude escapes with an eye poke. Missile dropkick gets 2. Warrior plants him with a slam. Another one, and Warrior goes right back to the bearhug. Jesse calls for the eye poke again. Heenan is fishing in his pockets for something, and the referee prevents Rude from poking Warrior in the eyes again. Warrior bites Rude, then hits a huge backdrop. Warrior hits one too many ropes, and Rude gets his knees up on a splash. Rude gets a piledriver, but his back is hurt. That gets 2. Jawbreaker, but Rude's back is so bad he can't do the hip swivel. Clothesline by Rude gets 2. Rude with a Russian Leg sweep for 2. Rude goes to a surfboard, but Warrior powers out of it. He starts shaking the ropes and throws Rude off. Flying shoulder block, and he runs Rude face-first into the mat a couple of times. Big backbreaker, then he tries to dump him out, but they botch it. Warrior whips him from buckle to buckle, but misses a charge. Rude goes for the Rude Awakening, but Warrior powers out of it and they blow a short clothesline. Rude goes to the floor, so Warrior throws him back in. Warrior clotheslines him out over the top, and when he suplexes Rude back in, Heenan grabs Warrior's ankle and pulls him down, allowing Rude to fall on top to win the match and the title at 9:36. * ¾ Following the match, Warrior destroys Heenan. Rude is another guy who amazes me how good he got considering how bad he was for so long. His stuff with Sting was top notch. Warrior was always a stiff. (I just noticed, the only guy in this match, including the ref, that's still alive is Bobby Heenan, and he's not doing well.)
Bad News Brown
Vs
Hacksaw Duggan
Bad News attacks right away, but Duggan weathers it and clotheslines him to the floor. Bad News comes back in, and yells “There you son of a bitch, c'mon!” They basically just punch each other for a few minutes but the ref throws the whole thing out for the double DQ at 3:49 when Bad News grabs a chair and Duggan grabs his 2x4. Awful. - *** The only move of the entire match happens afterwards when Duggan atomic drops Bad News over the top.
Bobby Heenan (with the Brooklyn Brawler)
Vs
The Red Rooster
This is a squash, as Heenan is reeling from the Warrior's attack. He misses a charge and Rooster gets the pin at 31 seconds. Brawler attacks Rooster after the match, but Rooster runs both guys off.
Elizabeth talks about how she doesn't want either guy to get hurt during the main event.
Randy Savage (Champion)
Vs
Hulk Hogan
Elizabeth is in a neutral corner, and when she's introduced, the crowd is so grabby that Pat Patterson comes to the ring with security to shield her. Savage is so amazing as a heel, just effortlessly easing back into it after a few years as a babyface. The best thing is he goes right back to the Memphis stuff that he is so naturally good at. Hogan overpowers him, so Savage goes to a headlock. Hogan hits a shoulder block, and Savage takes a walk. He comes back in, grabs a headlock, gets bumped out of the ring and takes a walk again. Hogan chases after him, so Savage pulls Liz in front of him. Back in, and Hogan takes him down with a drop toe hold. He goes to a headlock, so Savage suplexes out of it. Savage misses the follow-up, so Hogan punches and grabs an armbar. Savage thumbs out of that and hits a double-ax from the top. He grabs an armbar, then takes Hogan down by the hair. Hogan fights up, then leverages Savage to the floor. Back in, and Hogan sends him to the buckles, then hits a clothesline. He hits a couple of elbows, but Savage gets a boot in on a back body drop attempt. He hits a clothesline, and Hogan has bladed. Savage grabs a headlock, so Hogan hits an atomic drop. Savage gets a rollup for 2. He goes to work on the cut, then he SLAPS the taste out of Hogan's mouth. Hogan fires back, running Savage into the buckle. He hits a clothesline in the corner, then he slams Savage right over the top to the floor. Liz comes over to aid him, and Savage angrily chases her away. He pulls Hogan out and pummels his eye. Hogan goes to post him, but Liz stands in front of it, so Savage shoves Hogan into it as Liz scrambles away. She tries to help Hogan, but Savage starts menacing her. The ref ejects Liz from ringside, and Jesse Ventura is giddy about it. Savage hits the double-ax from the top to the floor, sending Hogan to the railing. He clotheslines Hogan on the top rope, then a slam. Knee drop gets 2, then Savage chokes him down with his wrist tape. Hogan is out, so Savage hits the flying elbow, but Hogan kicks out at 2, hulks up, hits the boot and leg drop for the pin and his second WWF World title at 17:54. Good match, but they had better. *** ½
The Bottom Line: This show is the very definition of the excesses of the 1980's. Too many matches, too many unnecessary celebs, and the match quality was just so mediocre. As I said in the WrestleMania IV thread, this one was like watching Star Trek: The Motion Picture. It wasn't offensive, it was just long and boring. They could have done some NJPW-like stuff with the card and combined some of the matches:
Mr. Perfect Vs The Blue Blazer (make this the opener, give it 15 minutes, tell them to tear the house down)
Hercules, Ron Garvin, Red Rooster & The Rockers Vs Haku, Dino Bravo, Bobby Heenan & The Twin Towers
Tag Titles: Demos Vs POP/Fuji
Jake Roberts Vs Andre the Giant
Rougeaus/Honky Tonk Man/Valentine Vs Harts/Bushwhackers
Street Fight: Duggan Vs Bad News Brown
Brainbusters Vs Strike Force
I-C Title: Warrior Vs Rude
World Title: Hogan Vs Savage
I don't usually do a lot of fantasy booking, but this would get this card down to a manageable number of matches as well as probably cutting the length of the show considerably. As it is, it's just not worth the effort or time to sit through. The main event is really the only match on the show worth watching, and it's available elsewhere. Not recommended at all. Thumbs down.
